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How to Have Better Sex

My fiancée will have sex only in two positions, missionary and cowgirl. She says anything else feels uncomfortable. The problem is, I'm getting bored. Is there any solution that'll work for both of us?
Not for both of you, no. One of you is going to get screwed, either boringly or uncomfortably, and I bet it will be you, boringly, at least for now. Indeed it is unusual for the offspring of such courageous stock, a missionary father and cowgirl mother, to be so sexually limited. It may just take a bit longer for her to become bored enough with her current repertoire to chance a little discomfort and attempt position three. You might speed things up with an appeal to her vanity, since nothing else seems to work. "Tell her that it's because she is such a turn-on," says Michael Bader, author of Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It — And Men Don't Either, "that [you] want to explore all the nooks and crannies." But perhaps don't say "nooks and crannies" or she'll likely miss the point and come back with something spiteful and uninformed about English muffins. Otherwise, all you can do, besides watch more porn, stay out later, and drink more, is be patient and understanding these next 50 years as you attempt to enter Mary Margaret from behind.

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